If there is an emergency, please dial 111 immediately. If you are unsure, dial 111 anyway. Otherwise, please visit our helplines and support page.
“... it's all about the wraparound. Who is going to support that whānau member? And how are they going to support them? Do they need transport there? Or what do they need? Yeah, ...I've just experienced that, at [the] marae. They were beautiful people. Wow.” (Te Aroha Knox, 2024)
Wharenui by Uenuku Paranihi-Kane
We heard from people who have been through the process of getting their records, how important it is to have the tautoko, or support, of whānau, friends, community, and others. There was a lot of aroha, appreciation, and concern expressed for supporters.
The process of getting records can be challenging and sometimes being alongside someone throughout that process brings challenges of its own.
If you are a supporters it can help if you also have your own personal strategies and practices for wellbeing. Nurturing and caring for yourself is as important as being there for others.
Find ideas here for keeping your Wellbeing Basket - Kōnae Oranga full. Using Te Whare Tapa Whā as a model of oranga (wellbeing) and hauora (health), the four dimensions of whānau (family), tinana (physical), hinengaro (mental and emotional), and wairua (spirituality) are considered, along with their relationships to the whenua (natural world and origins).
There are many ways to tautoko, support, someone. That tautoko might include:
familiarising yourself with what to expect from the process. It may be useful to understand about things such as redactions or timeframes to support someone as they manage their expectations.
finding out about support groups.
Some people may only want very specific support for a limited time. Others could find a broader support network useful. One person, at times, may need emotional support. Another might prefer more practical help.
Consider your strengths and what you have to offer. Being able to take on a specific role in one area does not mean someone is confident or capable in all or other areas. Understand your capabilities and limits.
Know when or how it is best to contact one another. Some people may prefer agreed regular set times and others may be more flexible. Find the times and methods for connecting that suit you both.
Communication. Discuss expectations from both of you. What kinds of support might be needed and what type or how much is realistic. Each person’s individual needs may change over time, including your own, so it is important to keep communicating about that.
Safety and privacy are important considerations.
Privacy. While being able to talk privately is preferable, if you need to use public resources or shared spaces, such as a library, check what feels okay for the person you are supporting.
Maybe work away from others if possible and be conscious of how loud you are talking and what you are talking about.
Confidentiality. If you need to talk to others for the sake of your own wellbeing, do so in a trustworthy way, that does not compromise the confidentiality or privacy of the person you’re supporting.
Be guided by the other person in the conversation and what they are wanting to achieve.
Avoid assumptions about what someone is wanting, saying, or expecting. Try to be aware of any stigma the person you are supporting may be experiencing or perceiving.
Lead with empathy and deep listening. Try to prioritise deep listening as an expression of empathy. It can be helpful to listen first and then briefly summarise back to the person what you understand them to have said.
Talking about something similar that may have happened to you or someone you know, can be an important way of making connection, communicating care and offering hope.
Lead with empathetic listening.
Understand that people’s experiences are diverse and motivations for wanting records are varied and may also change over time.
There may be times, events, or situations that are particularly stressful. These might be important times for checking in on how someone is doing.
For example, when there is a lot of media attention around a relevant issue, such as over the period of the Government apology to those who had been abused in state or faith-based care.
If you have concerns about someone’s safety or behaviours, support them to seek professional helpopen_in_new. If your concerns are more serious and immediate, call 111 for ambulance.
Keep yourself safe. Be aware of how things may affect you. People may recount events or share memories that bring up a range of thoughts or feelings. Watch a video about compassion fatigueopen_in_new (secondary or vicarious trauma).
You do not have to be all things to all people all the time. Where possible, encourage also connecting with other support services, such as professionals, community services, or peer-support groups.
Possibilities might include:
Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) – there are over 80 Bureau throughout the country staffed by volunteers. Find a CAB | Citizens Advice Bureau You can also visit the website or call 0800 367 222. There is a separate Youth Tool Kete | CAB Youth Tool Kete website especially for young people.
Tamariki or rangatahi, children or young people up to 25 years who are care experienced, can also access the support of a Kaiwhakamana (advocate) from Voyce Whakarongo Mai.
Libraries or other community hubs may have computers available and free wifi.
Community Law centresopen_in_new can help with legal advice.
Social workers attached to health, schools, or community services.
Some marae or kaupapa Māori organisations may offer social service programmes.
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